My Ego's getting in the way

Fear! it is always there. It exists within our ego and often in how we perceive ourselves. It is present in our choices - many of us live with the concern of what others think day to day.

We live with a fear of failure and the consequences as a result of that failure. This fear is closely related to our ego. People often associate the word ‘ego’ with an over abundance of confidence but ego can too be a culmination of fear, anxiety and doubt.

My ego tends to get in the way a lot. I have to work extremely hard to not let those voices of fear and doubt win on a regular basis. I also care about what others have think of me, how they perceive my actions or responses and the judgement that follows. This is present in many facets of my life; from what clothes I wear and how I look, to what I am feeling, my choice of friends, my partners at different times in my life, my career and how colleagues perceive my intervention approaches.

The fear and not feeling comfortable expressing who I am has been a lifelong ride and still not something I am 100% comfortable with. To be honest with you all, it has been a huge reason why sharing ‘essence of expression’ has taken a lot longer in developing and sharing the content itself with you. ‘Essence of Expression’ feels so deeply connected to my purpose. Sharing a huge part of who I am with you, how I got through a lot of my challenges, and how through using the tools I have learnt through my occupational therapy degree has landed me to my current state of being. I can honestly say that by using the tools available to me, I have been able to embrace the parts of myself I had perhaps questioned prior. The parts where fear and ego had often got in the way.

With this personal brand and my journey to help others find their true essence of expression, my ego, my fear of people not wanting to hear what I have to say and the worry that it won’t resonate with you all has still been getting in my way. It has continued to create blockages, creating disconnection and stopping me from expressing what I wish to share with you. I am up avoiding releasing content and second guessing my knowledge. This fear, combined with the current state of COVID and the ever changing world that we live in has become overwhelming. That overwhelming feeling suddenly got me thinking though… this is when we need to follow our passions and find our true essence of expression the most!

This is when we should be showing up for ourselves, being present and giving back. Letting go of our fears and ego to really hear what it is that we need in those moments to get by. To be honest though, during these times I couldn’t. I started listening to what I needed and what I discovered was that I needed time to stop, take a break and take care of myself.

So what did I do? I took notice.

I noticed I was literally getting in my own way and everyone else’s around me. I was trying to control all aspects of my life, provide support and guidance to everyone around me to ensure they were all ok to the point that it was all too much. I started doing things for them, not allowing them to do it themselves, double and triple checking everything. I began crossing my own boundaries and stopping any form of progress and time that I needed to move forward with my goals. The beauty in being able to identify this is, once you see yourself sacrifice your wellbeing for others, you can change it.

This means being honest with yourself, stepping past your fear and ego, being able to trust and let go of what you are holding on too.

To put myself first, I took leave from my business. I had compete faith and trust that they knew what they were doing and would look after the business for a couple of weeks whilst I reset. My fears and my ego were even getting in the way of my team. I needed to step back and take care of myself.

Those two weeks were challenging. It mean’t confronting things I had kept too busy to take notice of. It mean’t relinquishing levels of control in my work life. It mean’t that I had to let go of what my staff, friends and family would think if I put myself first.

As a result I created new boundaries at work. I listened to my thoughts and feelings and acknowledged them without focusing on the fear they often create. I took time to finish the content and resources I will share with you all. It felt so nourishing and taught me that my ego needs to be put to the side and that I need to continue to share my knowledge with others.

In sharing this with you, I want you to know that no one is perfect. Everyone has fears, insecurities and concerns. I’m leaning to let me ego not over take my thoughts, feelings and decisions. When we pause, take a moment, reflect, realign our thinking and let go of negative thoughts, magic happens. This is when we come back to what we are meant to do, sharing our passions with the world. Not just for others but for ourselves.