Vulnerability & Dating
This year for me is all about fearlessness.
It is about living in the now and being who you are and having the freedom to express who you are. I am doing this in everyday life, but also in the dating world.
A lot of my friends know me as someone who doesn’t date often. I previously haven’t been on any dating sites or apps. My philosophy has always been that if i were mean’t to meet a significant other, I would meet them unexpectedly, doing something that was a part of my life. Which I still believe to a degree. But a friend gave me a firm reality check the other day and reminded me that I do date if the right person in fact comes along.
As a woman who just turned 30, my biological clock has started to ring in my ears louder than ever before. People begin to ask confronting questions like what’s going on? Why haven’t you met someone? Are you dating anyone? Why not? Look at you, how come you’ve not met anyone yet? How are you still single?
I hate being asked these questions.
Truthfully the right person just hasn’t come along yet but simultaneously, in recent years perhaps I haven’t been vulnerable or fearless enough.
So for a girl/woman like me I begin to ask myself, why am I still single? And what does being single right now mean to me and my life.
Truthfully, my first thought is well, why aren’t I allowed to be single and enjoy my life? I am still young, I have plenty of time ahead. I’m focusing on other goals and things right now. It is not uncommon to be my age and single. Yet society somewhat demands that I pair off at some stage. It’s a lot of pressure for a young woman to handle.
Not to mention, dating is all about being open, vulnerable and happy in your own skin in order to meet people and really connect with them. I’ve worked hard on every element of my personality and life. I love who I am! But learning to feel that way all the time (which let’s be honest, most of us do not), juggle a busy business, find time to priortise someone else and ultimately be vulnerable all at the same time is a lot of handle.
I often hear stories from friends about the trials and tribulations of the dating world. I have many friends that have been hurt and sworn off dating because their vulnerability has been taken for granted. Opening yourself and facing rejection or disrespect can often take it toll. So how do I / you over come this? You list out your priorities and values. Be sure to have points of compromise because no one is perfect and most importantly, remind yourself that though you are willing to be vulnerable and find a significant other, it should never come at the cost of your wellbeing - you are enough on your own.
So what are my guidelines?
Ultimately I put into practice what I have learnt along the way. I am a young independent, free, confident woman who has created a life that I am proud of. I have worked hard, love to socialise and enjoy life. This means I don’t need a man in my life to make me whole. What and who I am looking for is someone who I want to have in my life to enjoy the ride together, someone that can compliment my life and I too can compliment theirs. This unfortunately is something that I don’t see often. People often lose themselves in relationships, scared to regain or continue their independence. Independence and encouragement is one of the key things I look for in a partner.
I’m a kind and empathetic person and I too look for that in another. I wish to be treated the way I treat people.
As a woman who has worked very hard to establish and run a successful business, I also want someone that will not be threatened or define me by my work endeavours. Work is a large part of my life but it isn’t all of my life. I’d like them to understand why I do what I do and the passions behind that, rather than simply the financial benefits that exist with it.
The fact is, I won’t settle because I am enough just as I am. But I too need to learn to let some walls down and be more vulnerable and open. As a woman, dating in the current client can be very overwhelming and daunting. Truthfully finding someone with the right intentions is challenging at times as well. So I guess this in itself is a moment of vulnerability to share with you.
Meeting the right person comes at different stages of life for everyone. There is no right or wrong time. So to my fellow twenty and thirty somethings, ignore the pressure, ignore the comments. Know your self-worth and don’t settle for anything less!
That person for you is out there. They will be there when you’re ready.
